1. |
Alive (Dead)
02:48
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Its really cold
No one to hold
That empty feelings getting old
Your soul is sold
You're on the edge of playing fold
Not growing old
Not into doing what you're told
Just let it roll
She, she’s really cool
You met her outside after school
Sat by the pool
Its 5 degrees
Is she a fool
Is she a tool
A tool that you could put to use
To help your own damn mood
You only want me cause im sad and you feel nothing
Push me til im mad
So I do something
Something that will hurt you or heal you or give you a feeling
To prove that there might be a reason for staying alive
To put up a fight
To want to be right
To prove that there might be a reason for staying alive
Push the limit push her
Til she’s acting out of line
On the decline
She’s screaming crying but you’re fine
She wants to die
You pull her closer just to try to feel just what it's like
To feel a thing at all
You know you're not in love
You didn't pick her cause she’s sent from up above
All the emotion all the pain and all the love
Want a reaction that you never could have felt
Cause it kinda helps
You only want me cause im sad and you feel nothing
Push me til im mad
So i do something
Something that will hurt you or heal you or give you a feeling
To prove that there might be a reason for staying alive
To put up a fight
To want to be right
To prove that there might be a reason for staying alive
Her name was trey
She ran away
When she was young she had to stay
Within the gates
She fucking hated mom and jay
Was their mistake
And now she’s here and has to pay
For all the strain
She had a face
She use to make
When she was sad but had to fake
Her mental state
She knows she made a few mistakes
She’s no disgrace
She told me that she needed space
Then she ditched this place
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2. |
Sleeping With Penelope
03:01
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My best friend lied
Looked in my eyes
She said without me that she wouldn't be alive
I thought she died
But she was fine
Turns out she found another girl to pass the time
Now my persons got a person and her person isn't me
And since the day she met her it's not how it used to be
She said we were forever and that's something I believed
She held my hand while she had something different up her sleeve
I just can't believe
That you don't need me
That you'd rather be
Sleeping with Penelope
Can’t you even see
How you're hurting me
Busy counting sheep
And sleeping with Penelope
I fell in love
Without your touch
Don't wanna kiss you but I need you just as much
I draw the line
She dots your eyes
And now you look at her like you've been hypnotized
I know you like to get it but you got it last night
I've been all alone for days I really need you tonight
It's called a honeymoon phase not a honeymoon life
But I'm just your friend while she could be your wife
But I thought we were for life
And I just can't believe
That you don't need me
That you'd rather be
Sleeping with Penelope
Can’t you even see
How you're hurting me
Busy counting sheep
And sleeping with Penelope
Sleeping with Penelope
Now my persons got a person and her person isn't me
And since the day she met her it's not how it used to be
She said we were forever and that's something I believed
But nothing lasts forever that's the way it has to be
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3. |
Unlie
02:56
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Haven’t even taken off my shoes
You face time
3 times
Like anyone would choose
To face fines
His blue eyes
Wander can’t disguise the goodbyes
he’s prepping cause he’s noticed there's been brown eyes
On my thighs
On my mind
Wish I could freeze time
How could I hurt him like this
You washed my mind
You’re so fine
The mean kind
But he’s kind
And he’s crying
And I’m trying
To breathe fine
I know I can’t rewind
Can’t unlie
In bed with my baby
Who isn’t my baby
My morals are hazy
I don’t need more crazy
Can’t undo the day
My feelings started to fade
When I asked for her name
And then she asked me to stay
Fuck
My stomach is turning my heartache is burning I know it's important to pay for the hurt that I put him through I never wanted to but I did and I do I can’t stop wanting you
I hate to imagine him watching us talking and watching me stalking your socials when time isn't on my side cause you’re not by my side thought I might marry him now think I want a bride
I'm thinking I don't deserve you
But maybe I do
You're not so innocent you know he introduced me to you
I think my karma is finally here and she's wearing your shoes
But if you keep your eyes on me I'll happily pay my dos
Fuck
In bed with my baby
Who isn’t my baby
My morals are hazy
I don’t need more crazy
Can’t undo the day
My feelings started to fade
When I asked for her name
And then she asked me to stay
My stomach is turning my heartache is burning I know it's important to pay for the hurt that I put him through I never wanted to but I did and I do I can’t stop wanting you
I hate to imagine him watching us talking and watching me stalking your socials when time isn't on my side cause you’re not by my side thought I might marry him now think I want a bride
I know i can't ever untell my lies
My lies
And I know I can't ever unfeel your vibe
Or unlie
Fuck
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4. |
Bad Habit
02:45
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I wanna be
The best version there is of me
I can be weak
But it's rare I’d let somebody see it
Photo of me
In your favorite shirt but I delete it
See you on the street
Turn my music up so I don’t hear it
I want you
That rush that I get
When I hold you
But I always regret it
I dont think I’m able to quit you again
One night with your deadly touch burning my skin
Still, I want you
You're a bad habit
And I smoke too much
To let myself have it
Rather hurt my lungs
Cause I won’t feel that for a while
And my heart breaks just when you smile
When you leave me
So just leave me
I wanted to stay
But I knew I’d be there the whole day
That look on your face
Like you finally got your own way
I quit you
I already miss you
I want you
That rush that I get
When I hold you
But I always regret it
I dont think I’m able to quit you again
One night with your deadly touch burning my skin
Still, I want you
You're a bad habit
And I smoke too much
To let myself have it
Rather hurt my lungs
Cause I won’t feel that for a while
And my heart breaks just when you smile
When you leave me
So just leave me
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5. |
555
03:06
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My friends are all gone
They're moving away
Graduated moved on
But I gotta stay
One more summer
100 more days
Facetimes a bummer
Just isn't the same
But there was this boy
We got history
We enjoyed
Each other's company
He destroyed
What he meant to me
When he broke my heart and he left me unclean
Hey
Said he's missing me
I've changed
Wanna be friends so sweet
No strings
I took his hand happily
It was great for weeks
But then men are so weak
You wanted me
But I needed you
Before 10pm
You’ve got stuff to do
But when lights are low
And I need a friend
You're here for me
Cause I give in
And it hurts the most
Cause I told you no
But you can't resist
And I let you kiss me
Please don't do it again
I really needed a friend
I used to feel strong
Now I feel ashamed
Hang with you as self-harm
But you don’t complain
I used to think that
You were something to gain
Now the thought of you discussing me disgusts me
Everything changed
I prayed for you and you preyed on me
Like I was naive
But I played your game and knowingly
So you wouldn't leave
Cause the last time I declined
You disappeared for two weeks
And I blamed myself
And I begged for help
But now I can see
You wanted me
But I needed you
Before 10pm
You got stuff to do a
But when lights are low
And I need a friend
You're here for me
Cause I give in
And it hurts the most
Cause I told you no
But you can't resist
And I let you kiss me
Please don't do it again
I really needed a friend
You wanted me
But I needed you
You lusted me
When I trusted you
And i told you no bout a million times
Still each time I do you still act surprised
And I thank myself
That I left that night
Before things went far
I turned on the light
Then you turned on me
You made it a fight
I think that’s when
I realized
I can’t see you again
We’re just too broken to mend
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6. |
Katerina
02:47
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My girl is haunted by the name she used to own
When she escaped she blamed her past upon a clone
An evil version different replicated bones
A people person who got hurt by sticks and stones
In her apartment she hangs art from garbage sales
Cause she’s supportive even when she doesn’t care
Her heart is broken and that’s why she’s never scared
Cause what’s to lose when there was no one ever there
Katerina
Have you seen her?
Cause I need her
My Athena
Katerina
Ballerina
Hates her teacher
Cause she’s meaner
Cause she’s meaner than the girls at school
They made her feel uncool
They wanna heal their wounds
That’s why they act so cruel
And the boys at school
They made her feel so used
Cause when they had to choose
They’d rather kill than feel abused
Katerina
Have you seen her?
Cause I need her
My Athena
Katerina
Ballerina
Hates her teacher
Cause she’s meaner
When she got older she went quiet she got still
She carries secrets that would make a person ill
She could be God-like but she’d rather take a pill
To keep her sane she’d rather die herself than kill
In her apartment she won’t answer any phone
She gives her love to everything she’s ever owned
The type of love that little girl had never known
To end a cycle someone has to grieve alone
Katerina
Have you seen her?
Cause I need her
My Athena
Katerina
Ballerina
Hates her teacher
Cause she’s meaner
Cause she’s meaner than the girls at school
They made her feel uncool
They wanna heal their wounds
That’s why they act so cruel
And the boys at school
They made her feel so used
Cause when they had to choose
They’d rather kill than feel abused
Katerina
Have you seen her?
Cause I need her
My Athena
Katerina
Ballerina
Hates her teacher
'Cause she’s meaner
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7. |
Try To Get Away
02:35
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Dark
Eyes on the floor
Mine are on the door
Oh god, I guess that's her
Blonde
That’s what you like
Dyed my hair last night
Oh god, mom was right
Hands are heavy
Pockets full
My mind unsteady
No free will
I know you wanna try again
Oh oh
(Oh oh)
Text me "meet outside in ten" and
We’ll have fun and we’ll pretend so
I can touch your skin again
Oh oh
Stay
You can’t look away
It's your favourite game
Try to get away
Wait
What’s the hurry babe
Driving you insane
Try to get away
Leave
Don’t stay the night
Holding me so tight
My god, I can’t fight
Days
Between our eyes
See some other guys
My god, ‘least I tried
Hands are heavy
Pockets full
My mind unsteady
No free will
I wanna try you on again
Oh oh
(Oh oh)
Text me "meet outside in ten" and
We’ll have fun and we'll pretend so
I can touch your skin again
Oh oh
(Oh oh oh)
Stay
You can't look away
It's your favourite game
Try to get away
Wait
What's the hurry babe
Driving you insane
Try to get away
Oh, to get away
(Fuck)
That’s not how you play your favourite game
Hate
That look on your face
Begging me to stay
Try to get away
(Oh no, not again)
(You can’t look away)
(It’s your favourite game)
(Try to get away)
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8. |
Bloody Mary
03:37
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Mirror, mirror
Wipe my eyes so I see clearer
Over hear you tell your friends
I think I need her
Dreaming about the girl you want
But I can’t be her
Sabotage is on my mind
'Cause you're a keeper
Know it doesn't work
Know it couldn't hurt
But what if I'm the first one to see the curse
Bare foot on the floor
I won’t shut the door
‘Cause how could I be sure
Never tried before
Looking in the mirror
And I’ll close my eyes
Spinning all around like I'm hypnotized
Saying all the words even though they’re lies
‘Cause I don't wanna go
I don't wanna try
Here I go
On the road
Riding home
I decompose
In all your clothes
And you don't know
What I wanted
It’s haunted
It’s daunted
Subconscious
Is toxic
Obnoxious
And you're so ordinary
If I try
And I win
And you're game
And you're in
Then I might try to set fires
In February
If it works
It will hurt
‘Cause nothing
Could be worth
Tryna love you the right way
It's way too scary
No fun
Can’t run
Once you're done
Once you say those three words
It reminds me of bloody mary
I can’t take it
I can’t fake it
I won’t make it
So I won’t say it
I would hate it
I would break it
I can’t shake this
So I won’t say it
Here I go
On the road
Riding home
I decompose
In all your clothes
And you don't know
What I wanted
It’s haunted
It’s daunted
Subconscious
Is toxic
Obnoxious
And you're so ordinary
If I try
And I win
And you're game
And you're in
Then I might try to set fires
In February
If it works
It will hurt
‘Cause nothing
Could be worth
Tryna love you the right way
It's way too scary
No fun
Can’t run
Once you're done
Once you say those three words
It reminds me of bloody mary
(It will hurt)
(‘Cause nothing)
(Could be worth)
(Tryna love you the right way)
(It's way too scary)
(No fun)
(Can’t run)
(Once you're done)
(Once you say those three words)
(It reminds me of bloody mary)
Here I go
On the road
Riding home
(It reminds me of bloody mary)
I decompose
In all your clothes
And you don’t know
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9. |
UR A MEDICINE
02:54
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I’ve got problems
Like to cause them
Need a friend or need an object
Just for fun
You'll be my project
I feel it in my chest
When you ask me what is next
I don't mean to make a mess
But I'm mean without my meds
And I need some sustenance
Counteract what I possess
Double dose take off the edge
And I'm feeling the effects
I could take you with me
Fix you up
Make you my puppet
If they love it then I’ll cuff
Maybe scuff it but you’re
UR A MEDICINE
Something made to cure me
How you feel is not important
My endorsement
I’ll enforce it
No emotions cause
UR A MEDICINE
Try to please me
It's not easy
Hold your hand but I don't mean it
Im quicksand and you can't beat it
And I'm counting my blessings while you are undressing
But I don't feel nothing towards you
Getting stuck at 11 cause you wont stop yelling
Do drugs get addicted back to you?
I feel it in my chest
When you ask me what is next
I don't mean to make mess
But I'm mean without my meds
And I need some sustenance
Counteract what I possess
Double dose take off the edge
And I'm feeling the effects
I could take you with me
Fix you up
Make you my puppet
If they love it then I’ll cuff
Maybe scuff it but you’re
UR A MEDICINE
Something made to cure me
How you feel is not important
My endorsement
I’ll enforce it
No emotions cause
UR A MEDICINE
I am not the girl you know
Healing turned into a show
Think it’s time to let you go
I don’t wanna overdose
I could take you with me
Fix you up
Make you my puppet
If they love it then I’ll cuff
Maybe scuff it but you’re
UR A MEDICINE
Something made to cure me
How you feel is not important
My endorsement
I’ll enforce it
No emotions cause
UR A MEDICINE
I could take you with me
Fix you up
Make you my puppet
If they love it then I’ll cuff
Maybe scuff it but you’re
UR A MEDICINE
Something made to cure me
How you feel is not important
My endorsement
I’ll enforce it
No emotions cause
UR A MEDICINE
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10. |
I Will Not Hurt You
02:34
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You hate your eyes
I hate the guys that get to see them wide
I like your laugh
They like the half of you still there at night
And when you cry they’re right beside while I don’t feel alive
Without your voice
I hate the noise its empty static might
Stare at your picture and wish I could be
Holding the camera while you look at me
Be there when you need me
I won’t ask for more
If you’ll be my reason then I will be yours
If that's how you want it to be
My feelings they suffocate me
I wanna believe that you wanna but something in your eyes is making me weak
I know you're addicted to pain
It's all that you know it's a shame
‘Cause I will not hurt you
And we know that without the toxic love isn't the same
I pass the J to pass the day when you’ve gone far away
It's not okay how long it takes to wait to hear you say
I'm on my way to you and ‘til then I just think I may
Stare at your picture and wish I could be
Holding the camera while you look at me
Be there when you need me
I won’t ask for more
If you’ll be my reason then I will be yours
If that's how you want it to be
My feelings they suffocate me
I wanna believe that you wanna but something in your eyes is making me weak
I know you're addicted to pain
It's all that you know it's a shame
‘Cause I will not hurt you
And we know that without the toxic love isn't the same
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11. |
I'm Not In Love With You
04:00
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I know you're not the guy
I'll be thinking of tonight
There's no need to ask me why
No, I don't want us to fight
‘Cause I know what I want, more important
I know what I do not
And I know that you're not used to
Not getting what you want
I can see that you're just doing what you do
Think your bare minimum is worth it just for you
You can make your way to the end of the queue
You wanted games they’re made for two
In your eyes
You were mine
Passing time
On your mind
That’s not right
Every night
Same old fight
Bide my time
Tired eyes
No surprise
Cried all night
Not my type
Think I might
Catch that flight
Leaves tonight
Feels so right
And I know you're overthinking like you do
I'm not sorry that I'm not in love with you
My friends don’t know your name
All of yours are spitting game
You told them I'm obsessed with you
I told mine I feel ashamed
‘Cause I don't think that you're a good person
Makes it easier to be
The way that you were planning
To be towards me
I can see that you're just doing what you do
Think your bare minimum is worth it just for you
You can make your way to the end of the queue
You wanted games they’re made for two
In your eyes
You were mine
Passing time
On your mind
That's not right
Every night
Same old fight
Bide my time
Tired eyes
No surprise
Cried all night
Not my type
Think I might
Catch that flight
Leaves tonight
Feels so right
And I know you're overthinking like you do
I'm not sorry that I'm not in love with you
And I know you're overthinking like you
I'm not sorry that I'm not in love with you
I’m not in love with you
I’m not in love with you
I’m not in love with you
(How could you expect me to)
(I’m not in love with you)
Pass the time
Pass the time
Pass the time
You were there to pass the time
To pass the time
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12. |
||||
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Watching strangers on the subway
Wonder if they feel the same
Can’t imagine loving Sundays
I guess I just can’t relate
I don’t want your lonely company
‘Cause I'm not gonna fake a smile for free
The more I laugh I drain my battery
Pushing feelings never been for me
‘Cause when it’s dark and I'm alone
That's what tends to feel the most like home
It’s not hopeless, it's the way I cope
I like the movies where the people die the most
I only watch scary movies
Fantasize about the grave
I don’t think jokes are funny
Hugs and kisses bring me pain
I stay inside when it’s sunny
I don’t dance in the rain
I only watch scary movies
It’s not tragic, it's my brain
The patterns are predictable
I've made my peace with feeling miserable
Sometimes it’s weaker but it’s always there
I'm not saying I don’t think it’s fair
I’m not accepting defeat if
I don't wanna hear your condescending version of it always gets better
It's not that I just don't believe you
I've been trying but your sympathy is making my head hurt
I’m always hurting but I'm happy this way
Learned how to stay alive since a young age
Don't mean to scare you cause I promise I'll stay
But it's the reason why I'm not afraid
When it’s dark and I'm alone
That's what tends to feel the most like home
It's not hopeless, it’s the way I cope
I like the movies where the people die the most
I only watch scary movies
Fantasize about the grave
I don’t think jokes are funny
Hugs and kisses bring me pain
I stay inside when it’s sunny
I don’t dance in the rain
I only watch scary movies
It's not tragic, it’s my brain
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13. |
Next Life
03:51
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If I’m so special
Why’d you let me die?
Slow and painful
You’ve got 4 eyes
I am blind
My heart is slowing down
It’s getting hard to breathe
My skin is turning cold
And now it’s time to leave
So I’ll pass you on the street
Then I’ll cry myself to sleep
And I’ll go towards the light
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
I’ve been listening and practicing and doing what I’m told But I’m only going deaf and losing hope and getting old And I wanna know the secrets and I wanna be untold
But I know I’m only human and I have become so cold
You won’t get to keep my body
When they’ve released my soul
You’ll never reap the gain
Of swallowing me whole
So I’ll pass you on the street
Then I’ll cry myself to sleep
And I’ll go towards the light
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
If I’m being selfish
For standing and leaving
The cell which you’ve swallowed the key
I’ll relish myself into some other heaven
And forever selfish I’ll be
(And forever selfish I’ll be)
So I’ll pass you on the street
Then I’ll cry myself to sleep
(Then I’ll cry and I’ll cry and I’ll cry)
And I’ll go towards the light
(Then I’ll run towards the light)
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
(It’s the first day of my next life)
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
And I’ll wake up on the first day of my next life
Run towards the light
Run towards the light
Run towards the light
Run towards the light
|
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Carlyn Montreal, Québec
Newcomer to the pop scene, Carlyn, joins the likes of Billie Eilish and Madison Beer in creating a dark indie-dream style pop she’s coined ‘Nightmare pop’. With her music’s dark melodic undertones and moody lyricism, this name fits best. Despite this, a warning to all listeners must be given to never to expect a specific status quo from her music. ... more
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